Time Warping

For me, it is always the most unexpected of moments when I stumble across an old photo or note from that special time known as 1994. It was a time so unique that the one photo I found tonight made me do multiple YouTube searches of my favorite flannel-clad musical inspirations. To help transport you back to this particular snapshot, I must first explain that brown lip gloss with flavors such as Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb were hot to trot and any hairstyle consisting of scrunchies or a clip fell under a category known as THE BOMB. Chucks were the preferred footwear and while a younger generation currently resides in my closet, many wore them like they were going out of style. I’m fairly confident most girls my age had a huge crush on Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano - the persona in this unearthed photograph was certainly channeling Claire Danes. Troll dolls were considered a mere thing of the past and slap bracelets had long since been banned from Middle School. It’s so interesting how one photo or really any song from that year can take me back. Perhaps some Buffalo Tom on the way to work tomorrow?

No Signal

While drivers from the North can be classified as aggressive, cutthroat and bold, some strong stereotypes can be placed on drivers from the South. This is a question based on generalizations, but why do different sets of driving rules take over once one crosses the Mason Dixon? Apparently the critical turn signal is a courtesy when you start navigating through North Carolina. When the rare snow occurs, it’s extremely common for everyone who owns a truck to flock out onto the ice and snow covered streets to prove that THEY CAN DO IT. In the same unsafe fashion, why do drivers in the South feel that going 45 miles an hour on the highway is the most practical move? In fact, I believe it has been debated that slow drivers are involved in as many- if not more- accidents than motorists driving at high speeds. Yes, I may have looked that up. Putting aside these common examples, location plays no part in some nationwide mistakes. For instance, the application of a whole face of makeup while driving at 50 miles per hour. Or my personal favorite, the rare and extremely dangerous en route reader. That’s right; some individuals feel that operating a two ton machine while diving into the latest Dan Brown novel is the best notion of multi-tasking ever invented. While we all do our best – at least most of the time- to avoid falling under these unfortunate categories, please do not let me spot you even attempting a crossword or Sudoku puzzle while on the road. Safe and geographically accurate driving everyone!

The Madness

In March, sports fanatics and casual viewers alike sense a dramatic change in the enthusiasm surrounding college sports. Specifically, I am speaking of basketball which causes the college t-shirts to be resurrected from storage in time for the NCAA tournament. Being a novice to the world of sports brackets in general, I went in based purely on the numbers and without warning I was hooked. To the point where I would find myself searching the web on my phone for the latest scores and upsets. It is during this month that you can tell by the mood immediately after a big game who just lost a friendly wager and who was putting money on the line. Players’ names are used in casual conversations like we are all personally involved in the lives and actions of these athletes. Addicting, you bet. The squeaks of shoes on the court and whistles become background noise echoed by loud cheers or groans of disapproval. Without following the games of the season, it is quick to discover which teams have hotheaded coaches heading for their next technical foul or coronary emergency. While it can be bit overwhelming at times, I have thoroughly enjoyed the games so far- bring on the madness!

I Hate Dummies

Who knew that childhood toys could suddenly be so terrifying once adulthood hit. A lone china doll is fine but group a bunch of them together in one room and there you have it- creepy. Maybe I blame Stephen King but I find clowns extremely uncomfortable and would not want to be caught alone with a clown doll, let alone an actual human in costume. As if I had a love for them in the first place, I was reminded yesterday of another nightmare educing childhood plaything. I am referring to the forever strange and disturbing ventriloquist doll. Why would this suddenly spring to mind one might ask? Well, a friend and coworker traveled to his childhood home over the weekend and returned with this once favored ventriloquist doll complete with monocle and blood red lips. We all had a good laugh and conversation at work discussing how spooky these sorts of dolls were and at the time, I figured this was the end of it. When I returned from the gym yesterday I wheeled my desk chair around to come face to face with this unsettling child size creature. As if that was not bad enough, at the end of the workday I ventured out to my car and found this indestructible doll in the backseat of my car strapped in with a seatbelt. Thank goodness for daylights savings time because if I had come into contact with that thing without the sun’s rays I may have had to check myself into some serious counseling. Apparently this year’s April Fools pranks are beginning a few weeks early so I will embrace the joking whole heartily but please, no more dolls!

Green For All

It is a simple fact that you do not have to be Irish to enjoy the festivities of St. Patrick’s Day. While some consider this day a free for all involving copious amounts of alcohol and dyed beer, this year I took to wearing green and faking a somewhat sketchy sounding Irish accent. Traveling to the mall tonight after work, I was surprised by how many people were wearing some variation of the shade of the day. I spotted a few red haired children with kelly green shamrock earrings and headbands proudly proclaiming their heritage and a few grumpy old men in the food court wearing “Kiss Me I’m Irish” shirts. Not sure that whole approach was working for them, but then again that could have explained the sour facial expressions. During work, I received a few festive email chains and even a mass text to my cell phone revealing a leprechaun popping out of a pot of gold and showcasing a shamrock tattoo on an area usually covered by clothing. There seems to always be some sort of mischief involved with this day but hey, it’s a fun way to spice up a Wednesday. So cheers to all of you enjoying a nice Guinness or Murphy’s Irish Stout, I look forward to seeing another sea of green this time next year.

Brainstorming Fools

It is unfortunate that as we grow older, some people feel that an increase in age means a decrease in practical jokes. Take for example the lovely tradition of April Fools. The first of April marks the hopeful transition into shorts and skirts but for me, it has always been a monumental day of pranks. In high school I was always one of the ring leaders surrounding these hoaxes and could be seen orchestrating private meetings and top secret dispatches. Going back even further, I was the usual culprit when a teachers chair was tied to their desk legs or there was a whoopee cushion accidentally misplaced under the seat of a person of authority. Dangerous? No. Harmless and extremely fun to carry out? Of course! Why should the occasional shenanigans cease when one enters the workplace environment? This just seems like a grueling and painful way to an early grave. Personally, while April Fools is an excellent excuse for debauchery, there is no reason why some fun cannot be part of every day. Take for example my current job. There is an unspoken rule that if someone leaves their computer unlocked then one has free reign over their instant messages, email and basically anything on the desktop. My personal favorite would be the computer background changeup. Who expects to come back to their computer to find a blown up picture of David Bowie circa the Ziggy Stardust era? A little joking is good for soul so let the pranks begin!

Opposite Attraction

While some people tend to attract friends that could be carbon copies of themselves, relationships formed in childhood will remind you that you can attend different colleges and determine drastically alternate hobbies without drifting apart. Take for example one of my best friends who happens to be celebrating a birthday today. When it came to guys, she preferred jocks while I tended to gravitate more towards artists and performers…well, I guess some things never change. I would break into a cold sweat when she demanded I don Lily Pulitzer at her future wedding while I threatened her with organic cottons and earth tones. We swapped clothes throughout middle and high school but when college rolled around, we found each other admiring each others styles with a polite and sincere “that looks like you.” While I can be more of a homebody, I turn to her for the exciting nightlife plans and happening places to spend my time home in Baltimore. In times of conflict, she comes to me for a calm and usually brutally honest dose of advice. While a stranger may not pick us out in a crowd as being close, I advise you to not let her contrasting love for polka dots and pink throw you off for childhood friends maintain some of the strongest bonds out there. So while I will not be clearing off my Ipod for any of her country music, I do hold this friendship in high regards and hope that everyone out there takes a moment or two to think of their old time buddies. Here’s to seeing eye to eye on the important aspects of life, and a cheers to many more years to come.

Farewell Chills

There’s something almost magical about that first day of spring. Today marked the first break in the chill where you debated wearing gloves and felt comfortable if not obgliged to drive with the windows down. There is this unspoken wave of relief and hope that sweeps over fellow office mates, postal workers and strangers on the street when you realize that the jackets can potentially be placed on their winter hangers for hibernation. The work day is still a full eight hours and the daily tasks remain unchanged however there is just an unexplanable something that lingers with the arrival of warmer weather. Maybe it is that extra hello in the hall, or a door held for a few prolonged seconds but it seems that even the coldest hearts feel the warmth and liberation of spring. Personally, I find that spring renews the sense of self worth and importance. For some, this could take form in the traditional spring cleaning where the cobwebs and lazy dustballs from the artic months are finally swept away. This welcome season could bring about shifts in diet and exercise regimes as the warmer – and bathing suit clad – months grow closer. In many, myself included, this time of year brings about a new wave of optimism. With the frigid weather hopefully becoming a mere memory, I find myself tossing aside those excuses once reserved for colder days. This covers such sentiments such as staying in due to the chilly temperature or watching movie after movie to avoid the necessary layering for outdoor adventures. When the temperature in North Carolina hits the average sixty degrees, these answers simply don’t cut it. So, here’s hoping we all wave goodbye to those chunky fleece jackets for another year and enjoy our natural outdoor surroundings!

Clear For Takeoff

Tomorrow evening I will be venturing to the relatively tame Raleigh-Durham International airport. Flying with my transport of choice, Southwest airlines will be transporting me northwest to the exciting - and hopefully not too cold- city of Chicago. While visiting the windy city is obviously an eventful jaunt in itself, I am never quite sure what I will experience in those terminal waiting areas. My last trip home to Baltimore was greeted with an hour delay so needless to say, the natives at gate 26 were rather restless. Throw a bunch of tired travelers into a small confined space and you have a recipe for hostility. Things were going pretty smoothly until we heard a piercing bark. Once, twice…three times. I began to see everyone looking around; some even growing frantic trying to figure out where this awful sound was coming from. It was as if everyone zoned in on their target at the same time and realized that a fellow vacationer had a dog under seven pounds crammed into what can only be referred to as a dog purse. As this small creature kept barking, people's faces began to change from looks of slight amusement to fear. This dog better not be on my flight. I even saw an elderly, and might I add very annoyed gentleman seek assistance from security in determining how one could possibly transport such an abomination. Let’s just say I was not envious of the looks being shot that woman's way as this dog, apparently excited by his new found popularity kept treating us to his best variety of vocal exultations. Apparently it is legal to carry on a laptop, purse, small suitcase or canine. Now being socially acceptable is quite another issue. Not to fear readers, tomorrow evening Tilla will remain at my apartment and the only things I will be carrying on are Ipod and some heavy reading material.

Silly Humans

While I do understand cats sleep for oh, about a zillion hours a day it boggles my mind why these tranquil moments cannot fall between midnight and five a.m. Living in Asheville, I did not run into too many nocturnal issues but for some reason the transition from hardwood to carpeted floors set off some sort of switch in my young feline’s brain. It started with soft, gentle meows wanting to involve me in playtime every night around ten thirty. This was quickly shot down with the obvious solution of closing Tilla out of my bedroom. Yes, this would in most people’s minds equate to a signal saying hey, I am sleeping please leave me alone. Nope. It was as if I initiated some sort of unspoken World War III and by no means was this something Tilla was going to take lightly. The scratching at the door turned into the total annihilation of any carpet resembling an obstacle to my wearing affection. Starting out somewhat like a run in ones pantyhose, they kept spreading. It got to the point where I had to seek guidance from my apartment complex over the fees involved if something were to hypothetically happen to the carpeting by my bedroom door. This lovely side effect of being shut out was now being combined with full on body slamming against my door. Not just a little nudge, I am talking linebacker strength force. If you were not aware there was a cat on the other side, some might even venture to call for help or brace themselves with makeshift weapons for an intrusion. After several seemingly endless nights of this, the war was truly waged. I tried everything. Large pieces of cardboard propped up against the door to stifle the noise were found ripped to shreds in the morning. Old pillows were tied tightly, and not at all attractively, on the outside of the door only to be nudged and to have the strings mangled and bitten. Every night began a countdown to the ritual known as “Tilla proofing” my sleeping quarters. Since the addition of Loki, my roommate’s kitten, things have drastically improved as long as some sort of feeding is involved. And sadly, some nights I still curse the ways of this small life force that keeps me from my precious REM cycles. After these trials and failed efforts, I have learned several things. Apparently, cats sleep when and where they want, and humans cannot possibly think that they will ever change this. Here’s hoping for a calm and restful evening.